Jusqu’à la prochaine fois

Translated from French to English: “until next time” (essentially the extent of my french-speaking skills)

My summer culminated in an entangled web of sentiments all of which were delicately, unintentionally,  yet nevertheless inextricably, attached to the medical field.  In their own unique ways such sentiments (of nostalgia, of apprehension, of euphoria, of  anxiety, to name a few)  were indubitably validated and indescribably connected.  Medicine, I have come to realize, is not a one way path: the surgeon has as much an impact on the field as the field has on the surgeon.  One emotion could never encompass the entirety of emotions the field carries within itself, each marking a different location along the spectrum and retaining its own importance.

A question I have been battling for quite some time now is whether or not I truly desire to become a doctor upon graduating from university.  After all of the medical work I have engaged myself in, and perhaps even inflicted upon myself, this summer, from delivering babies in Tanzania, to assisting with endourological surgeries, to observing such operations as a heart transplant and an aortic valve repair, to perfusing for a lung procurement, one would think that my final decision would have been elucidated come the termination of summer 2013.  I am, however, even more mind-boggled than I was prior to the initiation of summer.

The summer certainly helped clarify to me the various and specific occupations I do not wish to participate in.  Child birth? No, thank you.  The “miracle of life” may just be a bit too miraculous for me.  Endourology?  Nah.  The field is intriguing but I do not want to be constantly diagnosing and operating on issues involving the bladder.  Perfusion?  Physician’s Assistant?  No– for me it’s all or nothing.  I either lead or find another place to utilize and express my skills.  And now we approach the field within which my main dilemma lies: cardiac operations.  I absolutely love the heart.  This organ is unequivocally and irrevocably my favourite as it is the one body part that is the most direct determining factor of the continuation of life and of health.  I am intrigued by it.  The field of cardiac surgery offers insight into the most vigorous, hectic, hefty, and sporadic sides that medicine has to offer. Cardiac operations also require the most hours, as most surgeons have little time for family life, the greatest number of years involved with medical school and training, and happen to be by far the most risk-involved as most encompass life-or-death procedures.

A number of cardiac surgeons at Columbia University Medical Center warned me of its implications upon family life, sleep, and overall well-being.  Some even straight-out advised me to choose another path, for it is a field that requires full-time work and dedication.  However, my main goal in choosing my occupation is finding one wherein I can successfully dedicate my life to the well-being of others’.  If I save lives, is there really any better reward in this world?  For me, there is none.

So, the final verdict is, if I decide to become a surgeon I strive to become one directly involved with saving lives.

Luckily I don’t have to decide now.  No matter what path I choose, I know I will forever donate my life to sustaining those of others, in both literal and figurative scopes.

I thank the Women’s Health Centre in Arusha, Tanzania, and The New York Presbyterian Center at Columbia University for giving me the most eye-opening summer of my life.

These organizations planted a seed in a young, pre-med girl on a determined mission to intertwine her wanderlust desires with the medical field in her ultimate aspiration to save lives.